saosin-x

I laugh, I cry,
I hurt the same inside
I am .. Are you?
More than ordinary….
I am Me
Who are you to mock me?

I say what I want, Even if my voice shakes
I try my hardest not to cry,
Try my hardest not to show who has the power to hurt me
I want to stay behind after I leave just to see who gives a damn that I'm gone,
To see if I matter to the people who matter to me

If I still want to try I'll keep going, and I don't care who I piss off in the meantime
People say I'm cruel, or blunt or don't care about anything.
Those people haven't given the time of day to get to know me.
I believe the sun is worth the rain

and a motion from one can affect a million

I believe if something isn't right it is up to you to fix it.
Too often people stand around waiting for somebody to speak up,
To make a change,
to stop something from happening.

They say everyone has a calling,
but sometimes I wonder how many of us can still hear it.

Are we all so determined to wipe out the hurt in life that we are wiping out the happiness too?

Maybe its too late and the expectations have been set already.
I don't believe that.
It's not to late.
It never to late.

But did you ever feel like there was never enough time?
Like every hour of the day is filled with things you must do. Even if those things are not set by yourself.

And that one dream you want to chase but never do because its not the right time.
And once the dream is gone you begin to realize that
it is never the right time.
We are always too old
Too young
Too immature
Too something or another
But really the only thing stopping us is ourselves.

Have you ever stopped stopping yourself?
It may not make sense but think about it.
Have you ever done something stupid and wished you could just run and never stop?
But when you look back you wouldn't change it for the world.

Because the risks we take break the dullness of the days and set us apart

And somewhere inside,
though we try to avoid it,
we know there is no guarantee of success.
None.
And yet it's still called a leap of faith.

I'm trying to change the way I see the world.
And if I have to fly to the other side of the world to do it
then I will
And my reputation will right itself.

And as the days go on the memories I thought would never fade
are getting weaker,
But one stays clear in my head,
when someone I look up to showed me a photo of a guy jumping of a statue
and I swore he was going to fly
And beneath the photograph was a poem
that changed the way I saw not only myself but the one showing me the words

Jump.
You might fall.
You might fly.

Because anything in life is a 50/50 shot.
You either win
Or you don't
And if loosing is the result of trying to win
then that's all it can be

Get over it

Jump

One end of the huge sports elastic band is wrapped around my toe

The other end is wrapped around my fingers

You can tell right from the start that there really is no great way for this to end.

But its one of those things in life that you don’t really think about until the answer hits you in the face.
It is after the pain clears that you begin to realise how stupid it was, you write it off as an experience and you move on.

Because the moment before the pain hits you is the worst. You can see its going to happen. There is no path out of this in time. But looking back you realise you actually had three options.

Option One: don’t do it in the first place. Obviously a less painful option but it wouldn’t have been painless, it would have been nothing. You would have never known what would have happened.

Option Two: duck. Move and avoid the main hit. While this would have lessened the impact it still would have got you. Maybe not in the eye and the situation may not have had the screaming climax it had but it still would have been a learning experience.

And Option Three: this is the option you could only possibly think of after the whole thing has finished. Let go. As I felt the elastic slipping off my toe I could have let go of my end. It may not have ended well for the person walking past, but would have been fairly non dramatic

Of course in the heat on the moment. Making a list of options wasn’t really high on my list.
As the elastic slipped off my toe it took me a second to realise the other end was in my hand which was currently located behind my head.

The knot of the elastic was about an inch from my face.
While duck would have been a great thought to have at that moment, it wasn’t what was going on in my head.

The only thing I could think of was something along the lines of
Oh shit
This is really gonna hurt

And it did.

And after the screaming and the whole drama with mum thinking I had taken my eyeball out and me not being able to tell I hadn’t.
I sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks, one hand holding the ice pack to my face and the other trying to stop my ribs from hurting from the laughter.

Because as much as it hurt. It was funny

Now with my black eye and my mother still having a nervous breakdown, it is still funny.

But there is a lesson learnt from it.

If you see one of those big elastic things that people use to stretch when they are injured lying around don’t pick it up

And don’t tie it to various parts of your body and see how strong you are

Because while the your hands and feet might be strong enough to stretch it that far,

Your eye, and the skin around it, isn’t strong

Lesson learnt?